* INTRODUCTION:
The Marshmallow Test, Mastering Self-Control by Walter Mischel is a book about harnessing the power of delayed gratification today to get more valuable rewards in the future.
Humans are instinctual creatures and most of us go about the day reacting to external stimuli and being slaves to our impulses and feelings.
But the successful seem to have mastered the art of delayed gratification in order to achieve their goals. They understand that today's sacrifices will be tomorrow's rewards.
We may have the notion that maybe self-control is pre-wired; that maybe it's just some people's nature. This book is going to help you to understand what self-control is, what it's not, and if we can learn to have self-control.
* THE MARSHMALLOW TEST:
A group of 4 and 5-year-olds was chosen and tested individually in a room where they were asked to sit alone at a table facing the treat they chose from an assortment that included marshmallows, cookies, pretzels, and mints.
And next to the treat was placed a desk bell. Each child was given a single sweet treat that they can have immediately by ringing the bell but if they waited for 20 minutes without leaving the chair as instructed until the instructor comes back, they get to have two treats instead of just one.
And all of this was monitored through a one-way see-through glass. And to add the element of trust the instructors played with the children for some time prior to the test and showed the kids by trial that if they rang the bell they would come immediately.
The children fought hard to resist the temptation of eating. Some pushed the plate and the bell far away, some went to sleep, and some even kept instructing themselves "If you ring the bell you can have one, if you wait you can have two."
Others distracted themselves by telling stories to themselves or faced the wall to avoid looking at the treat. While yet a few ate before the time was up.
When the instructor came back in 20 minutes the children who did not eat got 2 treats. While some children stuffed their mouths with the two treats, others chose not to eat them until they got home and showed their parents their achievement.
* IS THE ABILITY TO DELAY GRATIFICATION PREWIRED?
Is self-control prewired? Is it just some people's nature? Is this how humanity's fate going to be decided? With something that's not in our control?
To understand this we can dive deeper into what the kids who successfully resisted the temptation do and what tactics they used.
When asked one kid told that he imagined that the marshmallow was a white fluffy cloud while the other told he distracted himself by telling stories to himself.
Some played with their imaginary characters and others instructed themselves about the reward they would get if they waited for 20 minutes. So let's break each of these tactics down:
1. COOL THE NOW, HEAT THE LATER:
By making the present temptation
abstract
distant
unappealing
and by making the future reward
vivid
clear
appealing
we can cultivate delayed gratification, by putting our attention on long-term goals and rewards rather than short-term pleasures.
For instance, you cannot eat white fluffy clouds. can you? By making the present temptation vague, abstract, and unappealing (white, fluffy clouds floating in the sky), but painting a clear, vivid, and appealing picture of the long-term reward (soft, chewy, white, sweet marshmallows that melt in your mouth) we are cooling the impulsive, emotional brain and heating the rational, cognitive brain.
2. IF-THEN IMPLEMENTATION:
A study was conducted in which preschoolers were seated at a table facing Mr. Clown Box- a wooden box containing a brightly painted clown's face and two arms holding two compartments that had attractive toys and treats rotating on a drum with blinking lights.
Mr. Clown Box is a talker and an irresistible tempter laughing "Ho, ho, ho! Won't you play with me? Oh please won't you push my nose.", every 1.5 minutes. And the children were asked to place pegs onto a peg board without interruption for the next 10 minutes.
The children who were taught the IF-THEN plan- "if Mr. Clown Box asks you to look at him and play with him, tell him 'No. I can't; I'm working.' " placed 138 pegs and with a disruption time per distraction of less than 5 seconds in comparison to 97 pegs and a disruption time of 24 seconds per distraction with those who did not have any type of plan.
3. POISON! NOT TREAT:
How you interpret the external stimuli matters when it comes to delaying short-term gratification. Some kids may not like marshmallows, but find cookies irresistible.
Whether you think a given stimulus is a temptation or not is based on how you interpret the stimulus.
For instance, to a person with coeliac disease- who is gluten sensitive, cakes/ pastries and pasta become poison.
In the same way, interpreting cigarettes as a harmful substance causing lung cancer is a turn-off to a non-smoker, but a drug that relieves stress to a smoker.
4. WHAT WOULD AN INTELLIGENT CHILD CHOOSE?
Most of us when asked to make important decisions for ourselves make poor choices. But when asked what an intelligent person would do in this situation, our choices change.
An intelligent person would choose to sacrifice short-term pleasures to attain long-term goals, but you and I would rather indulge in short-term pleasures right now.
Using this tactic of thinking from the place of a wise/ successful person, would help us make better choices in life.
From a third-person point of view, we agree that we should eat healthy, exercise regularly, and do the work. But when it comes to our own lives we don't want to implement the strategies.
So by asking what a smart person would do or what the person you admire and look up to do, you are putting yourself in their shoes and implementing the strategies that they would do.
* IS WILLPOWER ENOUGH?
Is willpower enough? Can we stay strong in the face of hot temptation? Can we just banish all temptation and become disciplined as the three mystic apes- covering the eyes, nose, and mouth to be free of evil?
What if you wanted to eat healthy and threw away all the snacks and the fried food in the house in the trash and filled the pantry with fresh fruits and vegetables? Would this help? Would it make you more disciplined?
Maybe momentarily, but in the heat of the moment when the temptation's hot and you're craving, you most often crack and probably rush to the nearest store to get the junk food you desire.
The way to combat this is not by banishing temptation but by:
perceiving the stimulus/ thought as unappealing
by using the if-then principle
and by valuing the long-term reward more than the short-term gratification.
* ROLE OF TRUST IN DELAYED GRATIFICATION:
A study involving children aged 11-14 from two groups of ethnicity- Africans and East Indians, living in the same village of Trinidad was performed.
The children were given choices between little treats that they can have then and there and larger treats that they can have if they wait till the following week.
The children who chose the immediate rewards on a consistent basis were found to have low scores, issues with authority, and were less socially responsible. They were judged to be "juvenile delinquents."
While the African Trinidadian kids generally preferred the immediate rewards, the East Indian kids chose the delayed rewards much more often.
This is when the study gets deeper and the role of trust comes into play. Most of the African children had come from homes with absent fathers- which meant men who didn't keep their promises, whereas the same scenario was a rare occurrence in the East Indian homes.
This is the reason why the African children chose the immediate rewards as there is no reason why they should let go of the immediate reward in hopes of the delayed but bigger reward that may not materialise. So the children grabbed everything they got in the now instead of waiting.
But when the father was present in both the African and East Indian households with no other factors in play, the children showed no difference.
* BENEFITS OF DELAYED GRATIFICATION IN THE LONG RUN:
The children who participated in The Marshmallow Test were tracked and reviewed every decade. Questionnaires were sent to the parents to measure their children's academic progress, ability to cope with personal and social problems, impulse control, ability to think and plan ahead, etc.
Information was being collected even as the study group reached their early and mid-forties. And there was a significant correlation between their results from The Marshmallow Test and their career/ marital success, addictive behaviours, physical and mental well-being.
The children who employed delayed gratification in The Marshmallow Test were found to have in the future
good grades in school
achieved career success
low BMI
low divorce rate
low risk of addictions
less risk of depression
healthy social interaction
* BRAIN CHEMISTRY:
THE LIMBIC SYSTEM: HOT EMOTIONAL SYSTEM OF THE BRAIN
The limbic system, in particular, the amygdala is the hot system that is responsible for impulsive and reckless behaviour. And each time a person chooses short-term gratification over long-term delayed gratification, blood flow to this area is enhanced. High levels of stress can activate this system.
It is responsible for:
fear response
sexual response
appetite
THE PREFRONTAL CORTEX: COOL COGNITIVE SYSTEM OF THE BRAIN
The prefrontal cortex is responsible for self-control and employing delayed gratification. It is slower to activate and does not fire away like the limbic system. And it enables the highest-order cognitive abilities like
thinking
planning
and achieving long-term goals.
While high delayers are good at enabling the mental brakes, low delayers are driven by a strong engine.
* NATURE VS NURTURE:
Now, coming back to the question of whether self-control is something some people are born with. Is it genetic?
While it may be inherent to a child's personality. Parenting style and schooling can play a huge role in teaching children and arming them with the techniques to employ delayed gratification.
Parents and teachers should exemplify this by showing the children
the benefits of forgoing short-term pleasures for long-term rewards
the consequences that every action/ behaviour comes with
and themselves lead by example.
It is important that children become aware that good behaviour is rewarded and bad behaviour is discouraged and leads to unpleasant consequences.
As most children, even young adults grow up thinking that what they do each day doesn't matter, and that their actions don't have consequences.
But what they don't know is everything is adding up and every action/ behaviour has a consequence that can be in favour of them or against them.
DO AS I DO, NOT DO AS I SAY:
Children best obey when they see a person who actually does what they preach. Studies was done with three scenarios in place- the "tough standards", "tough on model, easy on child", and "easy on model, tough on child."
Tough standards; The model had stringent standards for herself and the children. She rewarded herself and praised herself only if she got high scores, but constructively criticised herself and forbid herself from the reward when she performed below the standards set in place.
And she dealt the same way with the kids. These kids turned out to have high standards and tended to reward themselves only when they achieved those stringent standards, even in the absence of the model.
Tough on model, easy on child: In this scenario, the model was tough on herself but easy on the kids. These kids turned out to be lenient with themselves even when the desired results were not achieved.
Easy on model, tough on child: In this case, the model was easy on herself when she did not perform up to standard, but held the children to stringent standards.
And in the absence of the model, when the children performed sub-par, half of them held themselves to stringent standards and the other half used the more liberal standards.
AGE:
Age plays a role in delayed gratification. Children under 4 years could not even comprehend what delayed gratification was and what was being determined in The Marshmallow Test.
They don't understand the reason behind waiting and getting two marshmallows instead of having one immediately.
GENDER:
Among the genders, girls exhibited more self-control than boys. And the findings attribute it to the higher activity of the prefrontal cortex-the region known for regulating complex, cognitive behaviour.
This allows girls to carefully think and plan ahead of execution rather than impulsively acting out without considering the consequences of every action.
BRAIN PLASTICITY: THE EDUCABLE HUMAN BRAIN
Brain plasticity also known as neuroplasticity, is the ability that one possesses to change their neural networks and reorganise them to function in a different way than how they originally used to.
Researchers once thought that this can only be done by the growing brain during childhood. But recent studies show that adult brains are malleable and can be rewired to perform the necessary functions.
So no longer can most of us blame it on genes or bad parenting, because you and I have the ability to learn new skills, new languages, and new activities through neuronal plasticity by embracing the concept of growth mindset.
* CONCLUSION:
To conclude, delayed gratification is not a gift to some, but a skill that can be developed, without which achieving long-term goals can be next to impossible.
The art of sacrificing something momentarily of less value to gain a bigger reward of greater value in the future is requisite for the achievement of goals.
I hope parents and schools would teach their children more about the importance of delayed gratification and its benefits in the long run.
We also need more schools like KIPP- Knowledge Is Power Programme, a non-profit which helps kids to develop the character and skills needed.
As It's important to equip children with the character traits needed to create the future they see for themselves, by tapping into the fundamentals and the underlying psyche of why they behave the way they do and then from thereon helping them achieve excellence and character.
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